Raising Parents

All of us looked to our parents as a source of comfort and guidance. There will come a day when that role is reversed, and you may be faced with parenting your parents. When parents become dependent on us, there are certain steps that you can take to make it easier for you and the parents that depend on you.


1. Locate and update important documents. If your parent has any insurance, pensions, 401(k), bank accounts, have your parents check to see who the beneficiaries and the contingent beneficiaries are. If your parent has served in the armed forces, locating his service number and discharge papers will be helpful in getting any VA benefits to which he is entitled. Locating and organizing these documents often leads to frank discussions on what your parent wants. You should also make sure that your parent has the documents in place that are needed to put his or her wishes into effect. Ideally, your parents need a will, a durable power of attorney, a health care power of attorney, a directive to physicians (living will), and a HIPAA release.

Wills need to be updated to make sure that they reflect the parents’ wishes at the stage of life that they are in. Updating a will may be necessary if the last time your parent signed his or her will was when you and your little sister were toddlers.

Powers of Attorney can be made to go into effect immediately or upon a parent’s disability. A properly executed power of attorney can often help caregivers avoid costly guardianship lawsuits and the annual accounting and attorney fees associated with them. A power of attorney also allows a family to be more flexible than many courts would let them be in a guardianship monitored by the court.

A health care power of attorney will assist in giving the health care providers a “family spokesman” for the health care decisions of the parent. That person should be someone who knows the parent and his or her wishes concerning health care decisions.

Directives to Physicians or living wills let health care providers know what the wishes of your parent are when they are faced with a terminal illness, and the amount of heroic measures the person signing it wants taken.

A HIPAA release allows care providers to communicate with people that the parent designates concerning his medical information and prognosis. Often health care providers are not allowed to communicate vital information to family members concerning the patient if this release has not been signed due to their obligation under federal law to protect the patient’s privacy.

2. Make an “owner’s manual” for your parent. When my dad got really ill eight years ago, my sister and I devised a system to manage all the information about him that doctors kept asking. We call it our “owner’s manual” for the care and keeping of our parents. I suggest setting up a three ring binder with page protectors. This binder needs to be divided into sections. One section includes a photocopy of each prescription he or she takes, and the dosage. Another section should have contact information for each doctor or medical provider, and any medical records or diagnoses that were given concerning that parent’s condition. You should also include a section which lists the assets, pensions, bank accounts, and the location of safe deposit boxes. I also keep some looseleaf notebook paper in the doctor section so that my parents and I can write notes about what the doctor told them at the last visit or write any questions that they want to ask the doctor at the next visit. Why should you do this? Often a caregiver for a senior is the spouse. If the regular caregiver suddenly is sick or unable to care for your parent, someone can step in quickly and the care of that person will be less chaotic in an already stressful situation.

Nothing makes the transition of parenting your parents carefree, but having the right documents in place and putting together information concerning the parent in a central place can help smooth the bumps in this part of the road of life.

The information in this article is not intended as legal advice but is instead intended to provide a general understanding of the law. Readers with legal problems, including those whose issues are addressed here, should consult an attorney of their choosing for advice on their particular circumstances. Karen Taylor is an attorney with Levin & Atwood, L.L.P. She has a general practice focusing on family law, probate and guardianship. Karen can be reached via phone at 281-579-6044 or by email: karentaylor@levinandatwood.com